Virginia C. Bartow

My mother , Virginia Bartow, passed away on September 15, 2025 at her home in Bayport, New York, after a valiant battle with cancer that lasted nearly three decades.
My mom was the most incredible mother to four children, three of her children (Roy, Thomas James and Kimberly) predeceased her. All three died very young and very tragically. My mom was also an amazing wife of 52 years to my father, Roy Bartow, who also predeceased her in 2019. Anyone who knew my dad, would have to recognize what a wild ride that was; it would take a very exceptional person to keep up with him and to be able to create a home life that met with his exacting standards. There are so many crazy stories from my youth, but I used to love to hear the story about my dad getting in an argument in a bar regarding the fact that his wife made the best cherry pie and to prove how good it was he brought back a bunch of his drunk friends and asked her to make a cherry pie. She made it and legend has it they all agreed. My dad was a little bit crazy and somewhat unconventional, oh the things she did for that man…… 

At one point, my father had purchased a whole pig that had been slaughtered for meat. He left the head of the pig in a clear plastic bag and asked my mother to drive it up to town to drop it off at the Butcher (this was about 1977). My mom parked her car in Sayville and walked across Montauk Highway holding the head in a clear plastic bag. People in town were swerving and screaming …. My mom came home and told my dad off….. but the fact that she did it to begin with, always cracks me up. If someone tried that today the SWAT team would be at the house by the end of the day. I would have laughed him into next week….. but they were a team, a true partnership. 

My mom was a talented seamstress, really more of a fashion designer, and would sew most of our clothes and all of our comforters and curtains, most of the time without patterns. My dad even had her reupholster the cushions and seats in his boat, something that took a lot of patience and skill. Many of the girls that grew up in my town, had their prom dresses made by my mother or altered by my mother when their store bought dress didn’t fit properly. 

I was always so proud of my mother‘s abilities and whenever we were asked in school if a mother knew how to sew, my hand would shoot up like the space shuttle and I would offer up my mother’s services without even thinking about the fact that she was the mother to four children and was in nursing school and later a nurse. I remember volunteering her services to make 14 cheerleading skirts for all of the cheerleaders from Saint Lawrence when I was in seventh or eighth grade. 

My brothers and sister and I never had a store-bought costume. We had faux fur bunny, frog, kitten costumes with matching hats…. floppy ears….tails….. the works….. 
My mother even made the fur costumes for the animals in the nativity scenes for the St. Lawrence Christmas shows. We were still laughing about the big cow costume she made that fit two children inside right before she died and the fact that I couldn’t breathe when I was playing the back of the cow. Almost fifty years later the memories were stull so fresh for both of us. 

Despite the many losses and tragedies we have sufffered in our family, my mother was committed to living her best life and being there for my daughter Meagan and myself. My mother never gave up on life and even continued to thrive and enjoy her life even after making the difficult decision to begin home hospice/palliative care in November of 2024.
My mother lived well past what anyone would have expected as a home hospice patient and was still eating clams on the half shell, scallops and lobster rolls right down to the bitter end.

For her last birthday, she wanted to have the favorite meal of her favorite musical artist, Freddie Mercury of Queen. Meagan, Toni Marie, Jimmy and I made sure that happened and she enjoyed a meal of mashed potatoes covered with a heaping portion of caviar and a glass or two of champagne. In these last years, there were times when my entire house would shake and I knew it was because my mom was downstairs watching Bohemian Rhapsody. Every day my mom would sit up in bed reading books about Freddie Mercury. Every once in a while, I’d hear a horrific thump downstairs and I’d run downstairs thinking it was my mother, but in fact, it was one of her many Freddie Mercury coffee table books falling out of her bed.

My last sibling, sweet Kimberly, died in 2023 and most people would’ve been unable to continue after losing three children, but my mom knew I probably couldn’t take another loss and I believe she willed herself to live these past two years just so she could spend more time with me and my daughter and allow us to grieve our many recent losses before we had to grieve the loss of my mother.

My mother had an amazing ride these past few years battling like a true warrior and proving doctors and medical professionals wrong on a daily basis.
My mother did not want to be put in a nursing home or any type of facility and she did not want a bunch of strangers taking care of her, even in her home. I, with the help of my “Village”, made sure that didnt happen. Whether you dropped by to see my mom, brought her food, brought her flowers, gave me hospice advice, gave me medical advice, ordered me a hot water heater and a wonderful plumber (IYKYK). sat with her while I went to work or covered a court case for me so that I could stay home during the many crisises that arose, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Many people also continued to offer support and even if I never took the help, believe me it was always special knowing I had so many people that were willing to help me and there was a sense of relief, knowing that if I needed help, there were so many people there offering.

They say it takes a Village to raise a child, but I would suggest it takes an even bigger Village to care for an ailing parent or loved one.

Rest easy mommy, I love you more than you could ever know and I thank your for all you have given me. I take comfort in knowing you are with my Dad, Roy, TJ, and Kimberly.

Visitation- Thursday September 18th from 2-4 and 7-9 pm

Chapel Service- Thursday September 18th, 8:00 pm at the funeral home

Interment Friday September 19th, 11:00 am at St. Lawrence cemetery in Sayville